I just forgot to go to an audition. Seriously…who freaking does that?
Me! I did that, and my anger and shock were tearing me apart. Forgetting important auditions is not something I do.
How then, I asked myself, how for the love of dark chocolate, did this happen?
I am a Certified CliftonStrengths coach (psst… that’s the inspiration behind the Magnetic Actor Method) so I knew my fears were being activated by my dominant strengths – the qualities that explain why I do what I do. I decided to objectify the flood of feelings by using my strengths to measure and understand why the feelings were there in the first place. Please note that “Analytical” is soooo NOT one of my strengths, so clearly this self-scrutiny-experiment-idea-flash happened under heavy duress.
But I digress.
Then, my theory went, I could let it all go. (again…using the word “theory”? What is happening??)
Here’s what I did.
Smart Strategy 1: Identify The Feelings
I was heart-sunk, nauseous, panicked, mad, confused, frustrated, embarrassed, afraid, shocked and sad. Sadness? That surprised me.
Smart Strategy 2: Understand The Why
I measured “The Incident” against my Top 5 strengths to see how each contributed to my feelings. It looked like this:
EMPATHY: With my empathy, I feel deeply and also sense others’ feelings. I felt panic and fear because I “knew” what the CD was feeling: “Who’s this irresponsible actor who doesn’t show up? I’ll never call her in again.”
RESTORATIVE: This helps me restore order and troubleshoot. In this case, confusion and anger arose from: How could I have let this happen? What system of mine broke down? How can I keep this from happening again?
POSITIVITY: I am a “glass-half-full” person, so, at first, there was no bright side, only fear that I just ruined my career. But then, I realized I was overreacting. This was not life or death! And someday, it’ll be a distant memory. Oooh, I thought, maybe it'll turn out funny and I can add it to my ever-growing “Queen of Embarrassing Stories” arsenal. It probably won’t be as funny as the time an eyebrow technician "mistook" my red hair for dark, dark brown hair (how??!?) and then I unwittingly met up with colleagues for cocktails...but a girl can dream.
HARMONY: I need stability and peace. “The Incident” really threw me, so I knew my anger came from the realization that I did this to myself. I messed up. But I also projected my Harmony on the CD and my agents. “Did I upset the CD?” and “Will my agents be mad?”
RESPONSIBILITY: I do what I say I’m going to do. But in this case, since I didn’t show up to an audition I’d confirmed, I was obviously irresponsible. This internal dichotomy was why I felt heart-sunk, frustrated and embarrassed. The sadness was the absence of all of my strengths working together. The person who forgot to go to an audition, wasn’t someone I recognized, and that made me feel sad.
With the clarity around how my feelings were directly connected to my strengths – what makes me unique, hirable, dynamic and ME – I felt a little better. And now it was time to move on…
Smart Strategy 3: Letting It Go
Analyzing my feelings was difficult but extremely eye opening. I acknowleged my strengths for showing me how much I care about this business and my reputation, and for explaining why I was tied in knots. And then, I let it go as best I could.
Of course, this process may not work for everyone. But for me, knowing “The Why” helped my feelings become objects I could dissect, not feelings that would tear me apart. More importantly, I learned a lot about myself, and I felt more grounded afterwards. How cool is that?
And you can be damn sure, I will never miss an audition again.